No One Tells You How Bad It Will Be

You hear and read about miscarriage statistics. You meet couples who have had them. You are told you will experience cramping, clotting, and bleeding, but know one tells you how bad it really is.
Labor is supposed to be one of the worst pains a female can experience. You are told in detail about the pain and "mess" of labor and delivery, but no one really talks about miscarriage in this way.
After my transvaginal ultra sound, I started bleeding. It was a little amount that I would only see when I wiped after urinating. That was on Monday. Thursday, the bleeding increased enough to have to use a pad. I did not have to change it too often though. I would get an occasional small blood clot here and there, but nothing too scary. On Sunday afternoon all hell broke loose. It started with slight cramping that would come in waves. But about two hours after the cramping started, it got worse. It was worse then any period I have ever had. And it was still coming and going. I assume it was like contractions, they would increase in intensity, and then disappear. But there is something even worse then the pain of the cramps. With the increasing cramping, the clotting increased. I am not talking about passing more little clots, I am talking about the size. As the pain increased, the clots did too. At one point I passed a clot about the size of credit card. It was torturous knowing that with each clot, I was loosing a piece of you. That you were dying inside of me and that I was forced to experience the feeling and sight of it. Some clots even contained gray matter. After a while, I could no longer look at the pieces of my dying baby. What a horrible way to die, inside a toilet.
During this time, the look on your father's face was excruciating. He was so sad but more so concerned for me. He tried to comfort me as best as he could because I was in pain and crying, asking what I did to deserve this. He ran and got me Tylenol, made sure I still was drinking water and ate something. He rubbed my back and held me. I felt bad for him because he was not only losing his baby too, but he was watching me in such a miserable time.
Since then, I have continued to bleed and pass an occasional clot here and there. I will also experience slight cramping followed by a clot too. For example, yesterday, Wednesday, I experienced mild cramping followed by a clot the size of half a credit card.
I have never been religious; I consider myself agnostic, however, after experiencing this, I lean more to there being no god. The god that Christians talk about is supposed to be loving, but my thought is if there is a god, he hates women. There is no other explanation for why anyone would cause so many woman so much emotional and physical pain.